It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like…

Where the heck is time going?? I was just getting ready to fully embrace Fall when I see the tree being dragged out near my office. On top of that Radio City Music Hall is starting their Christmas Spectacular Friday,  November 13th. When I saw the tree lit on the marquee of Radio City I knew we were rushing to the end of the year. Why the rush? Why not savor these days. My favorite time of the year begins around Halloween and runs through the end of the year. I love the feel in the air. People seem genuinely nicer. I don’t mind the hustle and bustle so much as I try to avoid the major sales when it comes to shopping but I appreciate the leaves changing colors and the crisp cool air. The early evenings, on days off, are pleasant and peaceful. Which is why I don’t want this to end! Seeing Christmas trees in early November makes me realize that 2010 is on its way and I have to figure out an outline of what to do with my life next year. Nothing radical but I see some changes coming. Relationship front changes. Possible work changes. Overall life changes. I think this is the reason I want to hold onto the ends of years. Facing a new year with new challenges. It is a comfort zone to hold onto what is familiar but as with anything, it must come to an end.

I’m still not ready to embrace Christmas until after Thanksgiving. Give the Pilgrims a chance.

If It Makes You Happy..

Last night I went to a happy hour of old grammar school classmates. What was suppose to be a crowd of at least nine turned into a group of five. The ringleader who pulled us together is a brilliant guy, Doug. You could see it at a very early age. He was smarter than smart, eloquent and well mannered at such a young age. He was a boy scout then and still has those same qualities now. Prior to this our paths had crossed on rare occasions. Life happens and people just stop interacting and talking. Still, it was nice when he wanted to have a small get together and possibly increase it over time so that more and more people can reunite. I got to the designated bar ten minutes after the stated time and found him waiting outside. Soon after came another one of our group, Todd, whom I had kept better touch but not lately. We went upstairs to the bar and grabbed a table waiting in anticipation for the next couple of unfamiliar faces.  Pretty soon they appeared and we had our quintet.

We sat around, drinking, joking and catching up. Lots of “what have you been up to” and “where should I start” phrases were thrown about. If you think about it, summing up twenty-two years isn’t as difficult as it seems. Details can come at later dates. Most important is to jump from college to the present. It is when we turned to that discussion that we noticed a common thread in our lives: We are not doing what we love but doing what is necessary to pay bills and occasionally challenge us. Our priorities have changed altogther. No more did we look to our job as breaking ground and leaving a permanent mark, but instead looked to balance work and life. Life became more important. Hobbies held deeper feelings and meanings. Having people in your life were more important than making six figures. To each and every person there, we all said if we could do it over we would. I was surprised when the smartest person in our class said if he could talk to his nineteen year old self he would tell him not to go into law. I admitted much the same and added I would’ve told my younger self to focus on history and become the respected history professor I imagined younger me to become. Raylene, who went into telecommunications, has started a small side business of making her own wine and beer and is moving onto cheese with her husband. They both work full-time jobs but she admitted she likes hanging out with her colleagues more than the job itself. Her passion lies there and not setting up and training teams for call centers. Jez is a nurse who loves being a part of treating patients but same time yearns for more and always tries to set up an exciting or stimulating outside of work life.  What we talked about was how we weren’t upset with our career choices but we don’t need to derive pleasure from them. There is so much outside of work that can make a life amazing and unique. Hobbies, family, friends, etc., these are the things that can make a life complete. Work, as we concluded, can be just work. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Make’em Laugh

I like to keep things light-hearted. Using jokes and self-deprecating humor, I find either brings people together or breaks the ice. It is a staple that I go to without thinking. I just act. Which is why I plan on using it this evening. Because of Facebook, I’m meeting up with some grade school classmates for a happy hour. Not a long one but long enough that people can pop in and say hello and have a drink before going back to their daily lives. When I was a kid I was known for having a sense of humor. What has changed is that joking has matured. Not totally but based on life experiences I have found perfect fodder for cracking wise. It has been over 20 years since I’ve seen these people so I need to go with what has worked for me all this time. I am a bit nervous, mainly cause all those school days come flooding back, with the good memories as well as socially awkward ones. But that is always the case when it comes to these types of events. I get myself all nervous, stomach churned, then when the time comes, I shine or do better than I thought I would. It is the expect the worse hope for the best situation.

Don’t you know everyone wants to laugh?

Eavesdropped During Raindrops

This past week was pure tiring. I guess I earned my paycheck  at work juggling a number of clients and disgruntled business colleagues. Sometimes my greatest battles are within my own organization. Day in and out were the same. Getting slammed with work and looking for a lifeline but getting nothing. Thursday was the apex of my rough week with an evening conference meeting which took over an hour and resulted in zip, nada, nothing. I was feeling so low I felt drunk, moving sluggishly and just not wanting to do anything but crawl into bed and just sleep the rest of the week away. I then realized I did want to do something before I got home. Banana Republic was having an After 5pm sale/celebration. There was going to be free food and wine for shoppers as well as 30% off on everything, including sales items. So I thought some shopping therapy would help me get out of my doldrums.

I got off the elevator in the lobby of my building ready to head across 50th to BR. No sooner did I hit the lobby my phone rang a familiar Dylan song and looking at the screen of my blackberry a pleasing to the eye face appeared. Once I connected it was like all those things that tired me were gone. It truly is amazing how some people can affect you in such a manner. It had been a while since we talked but it was like picking up where we left off right before going to bed. Seamlessly easy. While talking and walking across town, the rain began to come down. Gently at first and then a steady drizzle. I found shelter just outside BR’s entrance and we talked, laughed and just enjoyed each other’s company. Now I’m not a loud street talker. I generally use “I’m on the phone on the street in public” voice. This voice doesn’t get loud but there is laughing which may be audible to others but nothing crazy. I used this voice especially when stationary in public because I am aware of my surroundings. So using this voice, I talked and enjoyed the long distance company. Before I knew it another hour had passed and it was time for us to say good night. That’s usually the hardest for me cause I hold on to great conversations for dear life. So every time we started to say goodbye we resumed talking. This went back and forth until we ended with a rush of emotions. It was beautiful and left me breathless and feeling so serene. As I hung up the phone enjoying the afterglow, a young lady who was standing about 3 yards came over to me and asked if I were a newlywed. I asked her what did she mean and she said she couldn’t help but hear how our conversation closed that she thought we must be new love. When I told her I’m not married, she then said I must really love my girlfriend. I didn’t want to continue the conversation with a complete stranger much longer but I told her that wasn’t it either but it was just an amazing friend whom I have in my life. She then said while beaming that I must really love my mistress before dashing off into the night. I felt the blush creep into my face as I felt my conversation was slightly violated. Sure I was talking in public but is every public conversation up for scrutiny? I don’t regret having it in public nor would I ever stop doing so. I just have to be aware of my surroundings. There was a satisfying feeling after the dialogue with the stranger. I think I gave her a solid example of real love.

Look How Far We Have Not Come

Last night’s elections were not as ground breaking as last year’s elections but still had huge ripple effects in our nation. Two Republican governors were voted into seats previously occupied by Democrats. The positions of those two candidates were diametrically opposite to those from the Democratic side. While that was a shock, sadly, it appears that some doubts that have arisen from the promises that President Obama made during the campaign to what he has done so far. To be fair, no one can clean up 8 years in less than a year but at the same time some of campaign promises were just promises. He moved from the liberal left to a more moderate middle which cause many of those who supported him furiously now just furious at him. I feared this would happen because the America he was calling for would take decades, hell, perhaps centuries before it comes to pass. Still, while many would love to say this election was a referendum about how those state voters feeling about the President, especially after he stumped for both Democratic candidates, I think it is more a reflection on state politics. New Jersey has had major fiscal issues and Virgina isn’t too far from that. The issues were primarily economic. Many states in the union are facing such issues but these two states had a chance to react and react they did by saying goodbye to Democratic leadership.

Speaking of referendums, the issue that burned me the most was the repealing of the Gay Marriage Law in Maine. I still cannot understand why or how voters have a right to overrule legislation? It is a Democratic process, true, but being I work in law and know something about laws, to give the power to the people to repeal state or local legislation sets an ugly precedent. It could mean that interracial marriages could be considered illegal because they are not a protected class. Or perhaps, take it one step further and don’t allow different colored eyed people from getting married. While we are at it, how about stating obese, bald and ugly people from not getting married. Why are those people allowed a right but not two people who love each other, regardless of sexual orientation? It saddens me to see my friends who are gay and lesbian feel like they are second class citizens in our supposedly progressive country. We preach as a nation acceptance but cannot actually practice it. I know there were laws decades back which would preclude me from dating someone outside my own race. That is and later proven to be inherently wrong. The same goes for this situation. A same-sex couple has the same rights as all persons under universal laws. If they can bear arms, vote, be charged for same crimes as everyone else, then they should be able to benefit from all benefits bestowed to people who live in our country.  To say they have every right BUT… is wrong. Not only does this effect same-sex couples but it also prohibits religious organizations who recognize gay and lesbian unions from performing such services. Does one group have the power over all? How is that any different from Orwell’s 1984? Civil Rights are rights for every person. There is no such thing as discrimination based on race, creed and color but allowances for discriminatory practice based on sexual orientation. 

I still have hope for our country to be more of an example of how we can work as a blended society instead of creating separate but equal standards. At the same time I wish there would be a collective waking up and realization that such rights are bestowed upon birth, not dictated by a “majority”.

How The Time Flies

Last week I got together with a grammar school friend. We rediscovered each other on Facebook and while we didn’t directly message one another, we commented on status updates and pictures we had posted on our own page. While I love how Facebook has helped me reconnect or keep in touch with friends, most of my connections don’t go beyond messaging on FB. That is, unless, it is someone I hang out with normally and we are also FB friends. That’s a different situation. You had the current relationship and did not rediscover one another. Main reason why I hadn’t thought about getting together with people was the whole rehashing part. 10, 20 years is a lot of time to talk about over coffee. A simple line of “things are good” sounds very boring. Lots happen to people over a decade or two but it is easy to say something neutral because the thought of where to start scares and tires a person out. Which is why when my friend Lis contacted me on FB for coffee I was genuinely surprised.

The last time I had seen Lis was during one of our many high school dances between Notre Dame HS for girls and Xavier HS. We had known each other since 2nd grade and at that age and time there was the attitude that while we knew each other we were too cool to hang out with each other. So we often just waved, said hello and moved on. That makes the last time I saw her 18 years ago. So our lives had changed and shaped us differently so we thought. We finally nailed down a date and time and met up in the Rockefeller area.

Lis was exactly how I remembered her. With the crazy curly hair and the big smile. She said I looked the same facially, but stronger and taller (ok I added stronger. She said solidly built but it makes me sound like a factory or a horse). We sat down and just smiled and started mixed with a lot of “Oh my Gods” mixed in. Once the initial shock wore off, we started talking and joking around. It was so easy. We talked about what we’ve been up to. She told me about her husband and two children. How she was planning on putting them in our old alma mater grammar school. I told her about school, relationships gone wrong, and the dream of the relationship for me. It was during this hangout that she mentioned why she reached out to me. She mentioned that my status updates, ranging from witty to thought provoking and the ribbing friends gave me when they commented on my page had her realize she looked forward to seeing my comment for the day. I was touched and told her that I allow my quirk self to shine bright on FB and I’m glad she didn’t get sick of it. We talked about how we need to keep in touch and get together more often as the time came for the end of our hangout.

As I walked home after saying goodbye I realized that a person taking a chance to spend time and catch up is something I need to be more of. I was part of this but at the same time when a person affects me in such a way, I should show my appreciation by making such efforts. Maybe not coffee but maybe an email or message to tell them thanks for making my day a better one. Time flies but that doesn’t mean we can use it as an excuse to avoid things. In fact, because time flies fast, we should do everything in our power to make sure we fill it with moments that mean a lot.

Inspiration From Perspiration

2009 NYC Marathon

Today I wanted to start of the first of the month on a good note.  Actually I like to start every month on a good note. With the first Sunday of November comes the New York City Marathon.  This is a race I have on my bucket list. I want to do it but I also want to do it justice. I am not a runner by nature. I like working out but as far as running goes, I’m good at short sprints. Something about a quick burst of energy and adrenaline is the best I can get out of my body when it comes to running. Long distance running I get exposed. My form is off, my breathing is off. I’m a hot running mess. Yet I aspire for the greatness that comes with running an actual marathon. I see people, of various sizes and shapes running fast, slow, easy and hard. They have the sweat and determination to complete the course written all over their faces and bodies. It makes a person want to be all that they can be. I was watching and cheering on the many people coming by and thinking however much pain and discomfort they were feeling, they were achieving a milestone not many have accomplished. Seeing this and feeling the energy of the crowd, I have rededicated myself to wanting to check this off my list. However much time it may take me to get into running shape. As I said, I want to do the race justice. I don’t want to just run it but I want to run it respectably, making a time that doesn’t make it seem like I am making a mockery of the sport. I probably won’t be running it next year but I think in 2-3 years, with proper conditioning, I can be realistic about checking it off the list.

Bump(s) In The Night

Last night I went to see Paranormal Activity. For those who haven’t heard, this is a low-budget horror movie which was shot in the span of one week. It gained ground through colleges and late night showings and just recently has gone national. People have been known to leave theaters early because of the scare content or have nightmares well into the next week. With all that in mind but little idea about the premise of the movie, I went with my familiar movie crew.

The AMC Theater on 42nd between 7th and 8th avenues had the movie playing on multiple screens and the one we were going to watch it was huge. Spacious and deep, it looked like it could hold close to 400 people but there were no more than 20-25 total at the start of the movie. The location certainly heightened the fear that the movie brought out.

As for the movie, it was scary. It was the subtlety of the moments that brought the spine tingling, hairs on the back of your neck standing straight up feeling. Premise of the movie is a man named Micah, who decides to set up a video recorder to capture proof that his girlfriend Katy was being harassed by an unseen entity.  He seem skeptical but does it to comfort Katy who is tired of having a history of this entity creating trouble for her. Not giving away the story, the movie, done in an amateur wobbly camera reminiscent of Blair Witch and Cloverfield, does not hit you with a flesh and blood monster or super human serial killer. It uses simple acts, a scratching sound, creaking floorboards to show the viewers that this couple is truly not alone. As the movie progresses, the horror escalates. It was during these times that I saw people hurriedly leave the theater, some people pull their coats over their faces, jump out of their seats or, like I did, shrink into their seat to the point where you become one with the cushion. The movie left me with a tingling sensation whenever I think about it. I try not to be overly sensitive about sounds but I can’t help but listen for them around my apartment. I hear the upstairs neighbors walking around and wonder if it is possible they are actually walking. I listen for sounds coming from other rooms with the hope I hear nothing but fearing I will hear something. My usual routine is to keep the door closed on my bedroom. I am still doing that but I admit last night I found myself staring at the door and wondering if I saw it move.

I know what I saw was a well done movie in the spirit of docu-drama, but like some of the reviewers said, it finds a way to burrow into your soul. I’m hoping for a better night’s sleep tonight but I’m sure I’ll be listening for sounds, any sounds which may be nothing or may be that bump in the night.

Time For Equality

Maureen Dowd wrote the following Op-Ed piece over the weekend which I would like to share. Here is the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/25/opinion/25dowd.html

Now, I am not an authority on religions, mainly eschewing from the topic altogether as I do not subscribe to any religion. Spirituality is my practice and I don’t go around preaching or teaching it. I just live it. This article though made me think back to my formative years, grades 1 through 12 in Catholic School. The first 8 years I was taught mainly by nuns and a few lay teachers. My high school years were mainly priests with Sr. Mary Veronica being the only Nun at the school who ran the library. Through those years, I remember how hard and how much love the nuns had for their faith and their vows. Every aspect of their lives was solely in God’s name, Christ and the good of the Church. Yet the Church continues to marginalize nuns to the point they are becoming an endangered species. Fewer and fewer women go join the convent and why? Well, because nuns are treated like second class citizens in the world of the religious. Like the red-headed stepchild, they are a part of the family but given little respect. They teach, they communicate with children and adults, bridging the gap between the everyday world and the religious world but the Church feels the need to minimize their rightful place in the faith. I remember when some of the priests at my grammar school would talk about the days when they would take the nuns out for ice cream. It was shocking to hear even for a 6th grader but the priests who told the stories didn’t sense any alarm but thought that such an action showed how nuns and priests got along well. In light of the various sex scandals running rampant in the church, so far I haven’t heard one story about a nun committing similar crimes. Why doesn’t the church see their female counterparts as exactly that, counterparts. Why is there a double-standard? I know most religions have a double standard, being they were created by men so who else would they put in charge but times are changing. While no one should be forced to change, the Church should take a good look around and see that it is not only losing parishioners but also losing a vital part of itself in the form of nuns. While nuns do not go enter into the convent for power or glory, they reserve that for Christ himself, they do go in there to be a vital part of the lives of those who subscribe to their faith. It is about time the Church thank nuns for the contribution by giving them the proper respect and placement in the Church. Didn’t Jesus have a co-ed group? When the quote attributed to him, “Do unto others as you do to yourself” is invoked , I do not believe he whispered “read the fine print where it is stated that this does not include women”.  Give nuns a fair shake. The Church would be surprised as it may actual increase membership.

Grave Undertaking

On a rainy day, I thought the best thing to do is to clean up my bedroom. Now this has been one of the many banes of my existence. I have clutter. I don’t know exactly how most of it came to be but it finds itself laying around on the once spacious floor of my sleeping quarters. It doesn’t normally rear its ugly head when I’m dating but when I’m single, it seems to stand out. Like those GEICO commercials with the money with the googly eyes, I feel the piles stare at me. Watching every move. I kept saying that the time would come when I finally attacked it but found excuses to avoid such a confrontation. Until today.

With the heavy rains, I minimized my plans to do outdoors things and face the beast. I had bought a trunk 3 months ago but never used it but decided that was the first thing I would use to put away summer clothes in hibernation. I also have a huge suitcase which I used for trips to Hawaii, Alaska and India which I could use as further storage. I pulled these two items out and began sorting through clothing, making piles for charity and ones I would keep. In the process I found more and more stuff I had been wondering where they went during this past Summer. At the same time I found I had opened up a can of worms. When I pulled out the trunk and suitcase, I also found a bag for of baseball caps. Tons of them.  I love wearing my baseball caps. Whenever I go to a new city or place, I often look to get a t-shirt or cap to memorialize my visit there. I guess you can say I’m like Frank Rossitano from 30 Rock (except the caps are Trucker caps nor do they have witty comments on them). I now realized I need a hat tree to keep my hats in order so I can cycle through them instead of just use a handful regularly. After uncovering the hats, I found a ton of old law school notes which I had left in bags. I pulled out the file boxes and started to sort them out. Suddenly the piles in my bedroom became larger and not smaller. It was as if these other piles migrated with the older ones and joined forces to make my life more complicated than it should be. An easy solution would be to toss everything out and live a minimalist life. But can someone be a minimalist with a great collection of caps and cool t-shirts? I really don’t think so.