Sometimes I wonder if I am as ready as my heart feels in taking the plunge. I know there is a whole new world in the land of marriage and I feel I am ready for it, I have concerns if I can walk the walk as well as I talk the talk. Recently, one of my good friends, J, gave birth to a baby girl. She took me through her three trimesters in such a way that I felt I was going through it with my wife. I worried about her health, happiness, comfort during the long nine months. I made myself available if she needed support from people other than her real husband. Most of all, she gave me a chance to see if I had the mettle to face such real life situations. I passed with flying colors. We talked about schooling, piano lessons and sports. Talked about child care and all that it encompasses. I felt during those nine months that I can be the potential husband to my potential wife.
Recently, I have thought about getting that phone call that would change my life for what I believe would be for the better. I have also thought about whether that call would be for the better for her. Being rational, I know there are consequences we both would have to endure. Whether I can live with myself putting her through them is what concerns me. Wanting to give someone a better life, but having to jump through hoops in order to do so, isn’t considered a road to happily ever after. Or may be it is? Either way, I do wonder if the life I convey in words and actions is the world that would bring about a fairytale ending for us? I know there will be a new set of obstacles but I’m willing to leap over them all, if it means I have a life with her. I need to not doubt myself but have confidence in what I have to offer in life. I will keep reminding myself that I am ready for this. Now I just wait for the call.