Decisions of Life

Yesterday news went around our office that a long time colleague decided to end his life sometime between Sunday night and Monday morning. There has been tremendous shock and sadness over his passing as well as the expected questions as to why it happened in the first place. My interactions with my colleague were limited both professionally and personally. Whenever we passed each other in the hall we gave each other a nod and smile. An acknowledgment of sorts that all humans working under same conditions and environment should have for others. From my experience he was a quiet person, friendly, hard working and very neat. Some say stereotypical for his field of expertise. He was a pleasant person in the office. So rare these days.

Upon hearing the news I thought of friends who had committed suicide. The people left behind are the ones who suffer most. Not just with the loss but the many questions surrounding the event. Were there signs? Was there anything I could have done to help? Why? Sadly all these answers reside with the person who made the decision to free themselves from their earthly bonds. I still cannot wrap my mind around those who made this decision but I imagine they felt their pain was so strong that they needed to end it and their families and friends would understand and move on. The only problem with that thinking is that it is wrong. Leaving behind loved ones of any sort is far worse than the pain of living. People don’t move on. Their deaths just find a way to bury themselves deeper in the collectively minds of those they interacted with.

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