This past weekend I encountered something I haven’t really had much interaction in my life. I spent time with 2 babies. As a dating bachelor, my world has recently become more and more involved with children of friends. I hang out with friends who are parents or soon to be parents and I see their relationships either pre-children, during pregnancy and post-pregnancy. Adjustments need to be made, in their relationships as well as in their daily lives, but it gets done. Sure, there are disagreements, but most of it has to deal with responsibilities and who feels they are shouldering more than their spouse. Still, at the end of the day, everyone gets along, they still love and they love their child(ren).
As I’ve spent more time with this sub-group of friends, I realized that I romanticized having a child. I thought of all the great things to do with a child. Watching them grow up, introducing them to sports, music, food while also learning from them. I tried not to think about the challenges of keeping a child from crying loudly in public or juggling eating in public with baby in carriage. Also the various discharges from babies wasn’t something that I was prepared for. Then I sat there on Saturday afternoon and watched my Office Wife J, wiping with her fingers when she couldn’t find a napkin/tissue, her daughter’s snotty nose or spit up. No qualms or cringing. She just did it. This is the same J who would go all “Ewwwww” if we talked about vomiting. In the 6 months since J had her daughter, I saw a different person. If these things still bothered her, she didn’t let up. In fact, her blouse was stained with spit up but she didn’t mind. As I watched her daughter S and found her looking deep into my eyes, I understood that when you love someone, a child for instance, you will not be bothered by any of those things as their well-being is what matters. At the end of the day, helping my Office Wife feed her daughter, play with her and then slowly see her ready to sleep, I felt that tug in my heart.
On Monday, I found out that my friends Y and K had the birth of their baby daughter late Sunday night. So, I picked up the requisite gifts of Mets clothing. Every child of a Mets fan receives that from me. If that is the only lasting mark on leave on them, so be it. Then it is the best I can offer. Went to the hospital and met up with other friends to visit them at Roosevelt hospital. The group was large and friendly and Y was understandably exhausted from the event. Yet there she was smiling and holding her daughter. K was telling us how everything transpired and sounded and looked as exhausted as her. Still, they were both happy. Elated in fact. I took in baby K and she looked absolutely heavenly. Asleep for the most part with a few cries in between. I know the road ahead will be filled with responsibilities but Y and K looked ready for it. They have the awesome couple vibe and I could see that this addition to their family only makes them better and happier. We all stayed a little past visiting hours before heading home but not before promising a trip out to visit them at their home once they get settled.
As I traveled home, I thought of the experiences I had in the past 72 hours. I saw the responsibilities and challenges of raising a child but also the rewards of doing so. I heard how even through the good/bad/ugly, they would not change a thing. I saw a couple who were already as tight as tight can be get even closer for their newborn. Taking it all in, I thought about what I want in life. How, when I was younger, the idealized version of having a child was slowly replaced with the reality of raising a child. There are challenges and things will not always go smoothly. In fact, you can do everything in your power to give your child the best life but life has other plans for them. Still, what I saw was the most beautiful event life can offer. I also realized, I am getting over the hurdle. Life isn’t about me. It isn’t about staying in my box and remaining comfortable. It is about sharing all that life holds. So a child is definitely something I see in my future. First, I need to work on my relationship front and see if P is child interested. That should be a natural choice, and not a choice forced by me. While I have hope for us, there is part of me that does know P’s answer. Whether I can live with it is the question.
A Day In A Life 